This week, and in particular September 30, has become important to me. It’s important because a part of who I am, is Indigenous. It’s not something I scream from the rooftops, as I wasn’t raised in the culture. But by birth, I can trace the lineage on my biological Mother’s side as existing within and flowing from the Williams Lake First Nations (WLFN), which the WFLN website describes as:
“…the T’exelcemc (people of WLFN) have belonged to the Secwepemc (or Shuswap) Nation for over 6500 years. Today, the WLFN community includes a growing population of over 800 registered members who live on reserve in Sugar Cane, in nearby Williams Lake, BC, and across the globe.”
Specifically, my Great, Great Grandmother was Chulminick (or Tsuilmenak), who was the daughter of my Great, Great, Great Grandfather, “Sugar Cane” Will’ium, an elder of the T’exelcemc peoples, and yhe second of three elders to hold the name of Will’ium. In fact, it was after the first Will’ium that Williams Lake, first as a body of water, and then as the city of my birth, takes their name.
ANALOG PHOTOGRAPH > Photographer Unknown. “Will’ium, of the Williams Lake First Nation.”
In online histories of Will’ium, he is referenced as Chief “Sugar Cane” Will’ium, but I’ve come to understand that the term Chief was a construct under the Indian Act, a piece of federal legislation in Canada that has imposed strict controls over Indigenous First Nations Peoples in Canada for as long as Canada has existed as a country. Aside from the concepts and restrictions of that Act, I have also come to understand the term of hereditary chief, which according to a March 1, 2016 blog post called Hereditary Chief Definition and 5 FAQs, on the Indigenous Corporate Training website, notes how:
…the Indigenous Peoples who had occupied the land since time immemorial had effective, traditional forms of leadership and governance. The traditional form of governance pre-contact was most commonly based on leadership by hereditary chiefs. However, it should be noted that "chief" is a European term. Traditional leaders were headmen/women, clan leaders, heads of villages, or groups of people.
Hereditary chiefs, as the name implies, are those who inherit the title and responsibilities according to the history and cultural values of their community. Their governing principles are anchored in their own cultural traditions. Hereditary chiefs carry the responsibility of ensuring the traditions, protocols, songs, and dances of the community, which have been passed down for hundreds of generations, are respected and kept alive. They are caretakers of the people and the culture. My father, Chief Dr. Bob Joseph, O.B.C., is a hereditary chief, and as his son, one day I will become a hereditary chief in accordance with strict cultural laws.
The introduction of the Indian Act in 1876 introduced the Elected Chief and Council System which forced communities to elect their leaders and to hold elections every two years. Know also that they are elected by their people but are accountable to the federal government. As you can imagine, this new form of leadership caused friction and confusion.
Sadly, I know that the lineage I have described is also most likely deeply problematic. In recent years I’ve come to know that the man Chulminick came to marry in 1863, Mr. William Pinchbeck, a colonial settler to Canada, likely just took Chulminick as his wife, as a means towards gaining control over local lands and resources, in a manner that had nothing to do with the romantic notions related to love, and would not likely have involved her own personal choice, or the choices of her community. Having said that however, Pinchbeck and Chulminick were together for almost twenty years, and together they raised at least two sons — so a part of me does hope that there was some kind of authentic connection between them. In short, I hope they were happy.
As a child, my adopted Mother raised horses, and split her time raising them between a small farm she owned with my adopted Father, and the Williams Lake Stampede Grounds. The Stampede Ground footprint today sits on the footprint of the homestead Pinchbeck and Chulminick called their home, as seen in the photograph below. Pinchbeck himself is buried on a hill overlook the grounds, and it was a place my adopted Mother brought me to regularly growing up.
ANALOG PHOTOGRAPH > Photographer Unknown. “Pinchbeck Lake House Homestead & Ranch, 1890.”
Later in life, my Mum said I looked a lot like Pinchbeck - and she’s not wrong, as you can see by the photograph below.
ANALOG PHOTOGRAPH > Unknown photographer. “William Pinchbeck, 1880.”
Although time remembered William Pinchbeck, it was not so kind to Chulminick. Not much is known about her, and there appear to be no surviving photographs of her. One online blog, called NOT JUST ANY FAMILY, has a history of the Pinchbecks in what became known as North America explains:
“What had happened to Chulminick is unclear. It was not an uncommon practice for settlers to take a native wife and once they had prospered, send her back to her band so they could marry a white woman. It is also possible that she succumbed to one of the white man’s diseases, particularly small pox that decimated the interior natives during this period – sometimes with the apparent blessing of the colonial and later provincial government in Victoria and New Westminster.“
It saddens me to not know what happened to my biological Great, Great Grandmother Chulminick. It saddens me that no photographs of her survive. I wish I could sit with her, and talk with her, and learn from her. But part of me feels she is, as spiritualist Gary Zukav would say, one of my nonphysical guides and teachers (I just need to make room to listen to them more deeply, with humility, an open mind, and unconditional reverence).
In fall 2020, my Mother and I purchased DNA diagnostic kits from two companies - ancestory.ca as well as from 23andme.ca. But like so many things in my life, it’s something I never got around to sending in. I don’t even know if the kits are still usable - but I think I need to crack them open this fall and find out. I could likely explain to them because of my own ongoing health issues, it was something that got set aside. Perhaps they would send me new kits if any of the solutions dried up or something like that (in doing a quick search, it turns out our unused kits should be usable). I got kits from two companies because I read that the companies get to keep the rights to your DNA, and although I don’t think any of that has been tested legally, it would be fun to see multiple companies in court fighting over who got to use my DNA. Sadly, with my luck though, they’d probably find a way to sue and punish me instead. But I digress. I do sometimes wonder if the Indigenous part of my being is so small as to be insignificant today - that it would mark me as a “Pretendian,” not even worthy of being a “half breed.” But the results also include a lot of health data, which is something I don’t necessarily have, as I was adopted. I do know about my biological Mother, but nothing about my biological Father. Who was he? What became of him?
In 2021, around the time I was hospitalized for my ongoing depression issues, my half sister had reached out to me. I didn’t initially respond, but it was nice to have heard from her. This fall she said she had received her Status Card, which is given out under the Indian Act. She offered to help me get one as well - and from my preliminary research on it, I’d have to apply to receive my adoption paperwork. It’s something my adopted parents didn’t keep, at least it’s something my adopted Mom doesn’t have today. They were always very honest about my adoption, and when I was a teenager / young adult said they would never have any issues if I ever wanted to reach out to meet my biological family. But it’s something I never did, knowing that was the result of an affair my biological Mother had. Until my half sister reached out to me, I didn’t know if my half siblings even knew about me. I don’t know if I’d go right away for a Status Card, even though it appears I’m eligible. I haven’t met anyone from my biological family in person, so that should probably be a first step. It does appear she’s been involved with activities that the Williams Lake First Nations are involved in. She posts content to her social media regularly, and has done so for years. It means she has some kind of connection, some kind of kinship, a fellowship with this part of our shared roots, and that eases the stress in me to a degree that I’ve had over this in the past. It’s something I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate. It’s something I’m proud of, especially of my Great, Great, Great Grandfather’s political lobbying for his people, which saw him write Queen Victoria. Specifically, he said:
So it feels as though I received my interests in politics, and more importantly, my interest in leaving this world a better place than I found it, from Will’ium.
My Great, Great Grandfather was also for a time, a police officer - a career that I considered pursuing when I was younger, volunteering thousands of hours with the South Surrey District 5 Community Police Station and the Vancouver Police Department as a teenager in the late 1990s. I believed in the Community Policing model that was being implemented and explored at the time, for its power to have citizens and the police work proactively together on issues that mattered to the community. I did not subscribe to the idea of a police officer as an enforcer, as some kind of militarized community body that acted in a reactionary mould.
SUBVERSIVE SELFIE PROJECT POSTS
This week, I composed three Subverted Selfie Project Posts, two of which were for a month long exploration of self course by Vancouver photographer Vivienne McMaster called BE YOUR OWN BELOVED, as follows…
SEPTEMBER 27, 2023 SUBVERTED SELFIE PROJECT POST
September 27, 2023: Six more weeks.
That’s how much longer my wound & IV antibiotics therapy will continue at Peace Arch Hospital after the doctor examined my feet today. I’m also supposed to stay off my feet as much as possible which isn’t easy with everything I need to get done.
My wounds are healing, but the doctor could still feel the bone through my left foot, which was the larger wound, so the treatments would have to continue less an infection come back which would result in the possibility of my losing at least my big toe on my right side.
So this will make life interesting. Part of me is worried, and a little scared. But another big part of me is relieved the doctor doesn’t want to hack it off.
I decided to make this joiner collage while the IV dripped antibiotic and other fluids into me. I listened to a bit of an art history video I’ve been watching, part of a short Udemy course on Contemporary Art I’ve been working through. I’ve been taking notes on my website’s online journal and would like to finish that soon.
Right now, I’m sitting in my car as the rain patters down on my roof and windshield. Before my appointment today I changed in a hospital bathroom, out of a long pair of jeans into some jean shorts as they’ve also been treating some scars on my legs. Now I’m going to head back to Mum’s to have dinner and probably turn in early tonight. The antibiotics can make me drowsy, but thankfully I haven’t felt as dizzy as I was for a few days last week. Haven’t felt the desire to throw up.
I want to exercise some more. I found this exercise app I have from when I had my stroke has a whole bunch of exercises I can do seated in a chair, so I am going to do those as they won’t require me to put pressure on my feet. If the doctor had said they were healed more than they are, I’d have started up walking the 5-10km walks on October 1. So now the goal for that is November 1.
Wish me luck.
(270/365)
OCTOBER 1, 2023 SUBVERTED SELFIE PROJECT POST (BE YOUR OWN BELOVED EDITION)
DAY 1: TAKING THE FIRST STEP
As we begin this month of opening up to seeing ourselves with kindness through our cameras, what are you hoping for?
It’s October & this month I envision cultivating a new relationship with myself. One where I’m kinder, & more gentle with myself. One where I’m more mindful about how I approach experiences & people in my life. One where I remember to get some exercise each week. One where I’m more aware about what I eat. One where I tackle a little bit of the many chores I have to do each & every day. One where I take a moment to breathe & reflect. One where I get things done.
What would you love to feel in this experience?
To that end, there’s something that I would love to feel in this experience - a sense of completion. I don’t want to live a life where my wheels keep spinning in the mud. Today, I envision that the mud is drying & the vehicle that takes me through life is finally able to gain traction again.
Are there certain types of selfies you hope to capture?
As such, I’d like to shoot selfies this month that are creatively interesting, & paired with reflections that help me reveal a little bit of what’s buried in my soul.
IT CAN BE POWERFUL TO GIVE VOICE TO WHAT WE'RE NERVOUS OR FEARFUL OF TOO. WHAT FEARS OR WORRIES ARE ON YOUR MIND?
Of course, I do worry that I won’t finish the things I’ve started. My life seems to be full of that: 1 step forward, & 3 steps back. For once I’d like to take some steps forward, and little to no steps back. That’s always been my biggest fear, where I not only let others down, but myself as well.
By giving them space to be heard and knowing that they might come up again, it can help us begin to diffuse their power over us!
WHAT ARE YOU HOPING FOR IN THE JOURNEY AHEAD THIS MONTH?
Finally, I’m hopeful that my feet heal fully, so I can start my daily walks again. It’s scary to think how I came so close to losing toes on the right side of my foot. I know I shouldn’t have waited so long to seek treatment. I’m not beating myself up for my choices, but I’m going to learn from them.
HAVE YOU TAKEN YOUR PHOTO ALREADY? IF NOT...ARE YOU FEELING RESISTANT? IF SO, IT'S TOTALLY OKAY AND LET'S EXPLORE WHY!
You might fine that with this or any prompt, you feel resistant. That is totally okay and it can actually be really good thing as it's a sign that there is change ahead. Your inner critic doesn't want you to change and it works really hard to prevent that. So when we feel that resistant feeling it's usually a sign that we SHOULD do it, no matter what our inner critic says. So let's compassionately and playfully step into our resistance to a prompt, keep going...keep trying. Out past our resistance is our realizations!
Plus, we're on Day 1 of a class, beginning a process of taking a photo every day! Today is about creating that motion in the process and this space it to let yourself acknowledge the resistance and see what happens next!
Today, I wasn’t sure what kind of photo I should take. I wanted a closer shot of my foot but I was hooked up to my IV when I snapped this picture, so I’m going to live with it.
HOW DID IT FEEL TO TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP?
How did it feel to go for it and take your photo? How did it feel to go past your resistance? What are you excited about in the journey ahead?
I felt apprehensive about the photo I took today. I cringe a little seeing the wrinkles, & the discolouration on some of my nails. My feet look dry, harsh, worn, & old. I need to keep them moisturized, by using cream, & by drinking more water. I’m also apprehensive about posting this photo, but it’s a good starting point for it shows me what I don’t want my feet to look like. With time, care, & attention, they can be healed. They can feel & look great again.
(274/365).
Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.
OCTOBER 2, 2023 SUBVERTED SELFIE PROJECT POST (BE YOUR OWN BELOVED EDITION)
DIGITAL PHOTO > Steven H. Lee. “October 2, 2023 Subverted Selfie Project Post.” Flickr / Instagram.
DAY 2: OUR BODY, OUR BREATH
HOW DID FOCUSING ON SOME DEEP BREATHS FEEL FOR YOU AS YOU TOOK YOUR SELFIE? DID YOU NOTICE THE URGE TO HOLD YOUR BREATH?
I think it's SO common for us to hold our breath in photos but that disconnects us from our body and enhances any anxiety in our body that might be coming up. How did focusing on the breath feel for you?
As I received my IV antibiotics therapy this afternoon I sat up with my hand resting on my chest. With my eyes closed, I breathed a long, slow breath in through my nose, which I held a few seconds before letting it go in a long, slow exhale through my mouth.
Breathe in… breathe out.
The air felt warm coming in through my mask, & even warmer as it escaped around my tongue which I kept planted firmly against the roof of my mouth.
Breathe in… breathe out.
It’s something I used to do with more regularity, usually at the start of a meditation, but it’s something I haven’t done in months. Maybe even in years.
Breathe in… breathe out.
Last week, Facebook reminded me how 2 years had passed since I was released from the mental health unit at Abbotsford Regional Hospital following a suicide attempt in my car that was parked in the driveway of my Mom’s. On the 1st day of my hospitalization I was confined on suicide watch, in an empty room save for a broken toilet in the corner, a plastic mattress on the floor, & a camera looking down at me. That afternoon I sat breathing, & reciting the Ho’Oponopono prayer again & again. Eventually, I started to sob. It was both cathartic & terrifying.
Breathe in… breathe out.
It was an easier habit to occupy during that hospitalization, without the trappings of a smart phone to mindlessly scroll through as you weren’t allowed to have them. Today took me back to those moments, moments I didn’t have during the hospitalization after my stroke, mainly because they don’t take your smart phone away after a stroke. Only after a mental collapse.
WHAT ARE SOME OTHER TOOLS FOR GROUNDING THAT YOU USE IN OTHER PARTS OF YOUR LIFE?
Ponder what tools or actions you take part in to get grounded. Maybe it's making a cup of tea. Maybe it is feeling your feet on the ground or doing mountain pose? Maybe it is noticing your senses. Or maybe it is a crystal you like to hold or a stone in your pocket that helps you get grounded. List them here! And then ponder...could we include some of these as part of our process this month? Could we make ourselves a cup of tea as we're reading the class activities and get grounded before we take our selfie? Or feel the ground beneath our feet before we pick up our camera?
Sometimes the bandages on my feet aren’t secure & they end up falling off. I then have to rewrap them, as I had done everyday since I hurt my foot in early July until I went to the ER on August 14. The act of treating the wounds myself was meditative. I’d sit in silence, gently rubbing medicated cream into my feet before wrapping gauze around the toes which I secured with medical grade first aid tape. These motions were meditative as my mind flowed to the present moment, only getting frustrated when the tape didn’t rip cleanly from the roll.
Breathe in… Breathe out.
(275/365).
Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.