WEEKLY SUBVERSIVE SELFIE & ARTIST’S DATE POSTS
NOVEMBER 9, 2023 ARTIST’S DATE POST
DIGITAL PHOTO > Steven H. Lee. “November 9, 2023: Artist’s date: The Marvels.” Flickr / Instagram.
November 9, 2023: Artist’s Date: The Marvels.
NOVEMBER 10, 2023 ARTIST’S DATE POST
DIGITAL PHOTO > Steven H. Lee. “November 10, 2023: Artist’s Date: The Exorcist Believer.” Flickr / Instagram.
November 10, 2023: Artist’s Date: The Exorcist Believer.
I’m going to be the only person in the theatre.
NOVEMBER 13, 2023 SUBVERTED SELFIE PROJECT POST
November 13, 2023: the first two weeks of November have felt like my emotional wellbeing is descending down a waterslide with so many twists & turns that leave me feeling so cold inside, as if I’m going to pass out or lose my lunch.
For the first week of November I felt super anxious about my antibiotic IV & wound therapy possibly coming to a close after 87 days. And on November 8, after seeing one of the doctors at Peace Arch Hospital, I was discharged. He did raise concern over some of my wounds reopening, and I lied that my shoes were rubbing up against the wounds, causing them to reopen & bleed. I didn’t tell him that it was a case of anxiety, of excoriation, where I felt driven to pick at my wounds repeatedly throughout my day - but mainly during the early hours of the day, when my insomnia keeps me awake in a hazy fog. I’ll usually watch something on Netflix, mindlessly picking at my unwrapped wounds, scratching them open until my fingernails ended up caked in skin & blood, easily cleaned up by a tissue or my mouth as if I was finishing off a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Since the 8th, I’ve seen a movie during the time I’d usually go for the IV. I first saw KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON on Wednesday; THE MARVELS on Thursday; THE EXORCIST BELIEVER on Friday; FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S on Saturday, and THE HOLDOVERS on Sunday. Alone. Each day I’ve downed a large soda, popcorn, & candy. When the junk was consumed, I’d pick at my arms, which I’ve done for a few months now, each spot a remnant of an IV spot or a spot where blood had been drawn by the lab. Some were scratches from using a hedge trimmer in the yard. I don’t know if I do this because i feel so unlovable when I do this, or if I do this to make me look unlovable.
There’s been someone in my life that I’ve cared about for years now, but when I’ve seen them I’ve been so anxious because of past rejections that I found myself getting so nervous, that of clam up & then apologize for clamming up. On the 4th I learned they liked someone else they’d been recently seeing, a lot. They admitted to flirting with them a lot, & my heart sunk. I’m so fucking terrified that I’ll always be alone.
(317/365)
END OF WEEK REFLECTION
This week, I had my first Artist’s Date in a long time. I can’t remember the last date I took, in fact, it may have been well before the COVID pandemic. I was first introduced to the concept of an Artist’s Date when I read author Julia Cameron’s book on cultivating the creative process, called THE ARTIST’S WAY. I still remember when I got her book, back in the late 1990s, from a small coffee shop and bookstore in White Rock called Whitby’s Books and Gifts, back when it was a part of Whitby’s Coffeehouse at 14829 Marine Drive. I next encountered the book in a fourth year Kwantlen Polytechnic University course on creativity, as taught by Canadian art historian Rebecca Fairbairn. Fairbairn really helped me to see the connection between living life with an eye towards not just cultivating, but actualizing a creative spirit of curiosity and exploration in all aspects of one’s life.
And wow, I knew the photo was going to suck, but on a small 5.8” iPhone 11 screen, the square photo from November 9 on my Instagram feed didn’t look that bad.