WEEK 04: Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence
Week 4 focussed on examining the important concept of mindfulness. In some ways, I kind of wish that mindfulness had been introduced earlier on in week 03, as I think it plays a foundational role in so many things, including one’s own health regarding nutrition and wellness, Here are my answers to this week’s exploration questions:
Practice breathing with breath cycles lasting for 6 seconds. Breathe in through your nose and slowly count to 3. Hold that breath for 3 seconds and then breathe out through your mouth. Repeat. When you are done, please click continue. - (Mindfulness - Part 1)
How can I incorporate breathing, observing, listening and appreciating into my day? (MINDFULNESS- Part 1)
ON BREATHING
When I remember to do so, I incorporate breath-work as a point of focus for times when I feel myself becoming overwhelmed and stressed. I do it as described above, although I hold my breath for two seconds instead of three, before breathing out. I also do this five times in a row, and usually I feel a lot calmer by the time I finish. Julian Jenkins, in his Udemy courses on mindfulness as a form of stress reduction, introduced me to this practice in 2020. I also had two in person, breath-work sessions with Harsha Sosa, which were excellent. In fact, the first one was deeply cathartic, delving into issues I was facing, and briefly discussing them to find a point of focus for each session, followed by the breathwork itself which served as a means of letting go of things that I had been holding on to. I also attended several online sessions that she organized during COVID which were very beneficial to my well being in those moments.
But, as I mentioned, I’ve not been consistent in remembering to do this, even though I’ve recommended it to many friends (and even to strangers online in mental health groups). Not completing things is one issue with me that I outlined in week 1. I’ll start something but then fall away from incorporating it into my daily life. In this moment however, I choose to change this habit of doing just that. So
I’m not sure how I can remember to return to my breath throughout the day. In summary, I choose to incorporate breathing into my life by:
using my breath as a point of focus whenever I am overwhelmed; and
practicing it as a part of my morning meditation from now on, where I can remind myself to do this at any point when I feel anxiety throughout the day.
ON OBSERVING
As an empathic INFJ, as well as an emerging artist and writer, I’ve always been able to observe things well, even when I’m depressed. Observing is related to looking, and noticing. It’s about paying attention, which is a component of mindfulness, which Jon Kabat-Zinn defines as:
“…paying attention, on purpose, in the present, and non-judgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.“
In summary, I choose to observe by:
observing, looking, noticing, and paying attention to my life, by slowing down.
ON LISTENING
Listening is something I need to work on. But I’d like to up my game by engaging in Empathic Listening, which Elizabeth Earnshaw, in her course, as:
…a communication tool that helps us to create more intimacy and safety with the people we care about. It is a tool that can be used in our workplaces, homes, and with our friends.
Because it is a tool, there are actual steps and techniques that we can all learn that improve our ability to "listen with empathy".
We want to do this because it helps us to:
Understand what the other person is thinking and feeling on a deeper level
Avoid miscommunication by slowing down and truly getting to the essence of what the other person is saying
And it helps the person speaking by:
Helping them feel more understood
Offering them space to "talk it out" so they can organize their own thoughts and feelings
Reminding them of our care and concern for them
Empathic listening goes beyond just "actively listening" in order to "regurgitate" what was said, and instead helps us to understand the true essence of what the other person is trying to convey.
A friend of mine recently shared the following post on Facebook, a quote by lawyer, journalist, and activist Dimitri Lascaris, which read:
“Genuinely listening to those with whom we disagree requires us to contemplate the possibility that they are right and we are wrong. If we are not prepared at least to contemplate that possibility, then we are not really listening to them. We’re simply engaging in a charade.”
So, ultimately, I choose to incorporate listening by:
engaging in empathic listening so I can understand what others are thinking and feeling when they are talking to me.
In what ways can I begin to develop or foster emotional intelligence in my life? (MINDFULNESS- Part 2)
I can begin to develop and foster emotional intelligence in my life by:
being more emotionally self aware, mindful and sensitive to the moods and emotions that I feel;
being more aware, mindful and sensitive to how I think about and respond to the moods and emotions that I feel, by making responsible choices so that what I feel does not control me;
working to raise my vibration by doing what I can to be more authentically positive, and aligning my actions with my passions; and
being more empathetic and sensitive to the moods and emotions that others feel, and how I choose to react to them.
How can I be more empathic to both myself and to others this week? (MINDFULNESS- Part 3)
I can become more empathic to myself and to others by:
cultivating unconditional compassion, gratitude, excitement, forgiveness, love and reverence for all life, starting with myself;
being more comfortable with sharing what I am feeling in order to better understand what I am feeling;
letting go of the negative self talk that my monkey mind has become so good at;
being more gentle with myself when I stumble; and
listening when others share with me, with the goal of understanding where they are coming from, before deciding on how I will respond to them.
