This week I started another Coursera class by the University of Michigan called FINDING PURPOSE AND MEANING IN LIFE. Specifically, the course explores how science, philosophy and practice all play a role in both finding your purpose and living a purposeful life. And, more importantly, the course offers many exercises to help learners find out what matters most so they can also live a purposeful life. This online journal will serve as a repository for my notes and reflections related to the course.
Week 01 - What is a Purpose in Life?
Section 1 - Introduction
1.6 - What is your interest in finding purpose in life?
Finding purpose in life is a uniquely human journey; one that can start at any time in a person’s life and motivated by as many reasons as there are people on our planet. In taking this course, you will be with a group of fellow learners who likely share similar motivations learning about purpose in life.
Please take a moment to introduce yourself to your fellow learners who are on this journey with you by responding to the following prompts:
Where in the world are you taking this course from?
I’m taking this course from the City of Surrey, British Columbia, Canada. Specifically, I’m in South Surrey, not far from the border with Washington State. It’s about a 45 minute drive southeast of Vancouver. I’ve lived in this area most of my life, but I was born in the very small town of Williams Lake, where I spent the first 12 years of my life.
What about this course interested you?
I took this course because I’ve felt very lost in recent years. I’ve struggled with major depressive disorder most of my life and it’s been complicated by anxiety and possible borderline personality disorder which hasn’t been formally diagnosed but after a lot of reflection I know I do hit many of the “symptoms.” I’m trying to finish a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Visual Arts, but my depression has seen me bomb out of many a semester and even though I’m only six classes away from finishing, many of them have to be taken one at a time - and at this rate, it would be late 2024 before I graduate. Having looked at what I have finished, it’s possible I could get a Bachelor of Arts in General Studies at the end of this term. So I’m really thinking about doing that although I know a General Studies degree can be looked down upon by some, even though I’ve taken courses in Creative Writing, English, Fine Arts, Interdisciplinary Expressive Arts, and Political Science.
What do you hope to gain from this course?
I hope to gain a deeper understanding of where I am and how I can push forward with a creative career in the arts.
Section 2 - What Matters Most
2.4 - Reflecting on “Who Am I? - How would you describe yourself when you're at your best?"
For this discussion prompt, please respond to the following:
Please share with your fellow learners 2 adjectives that describe you when you're at your best (either refer to the Purposeful app, use the list below, or create/generate your own adjectives).
Two adjectives that describe me when I’m at my best are energized and creative.
Next, think about and share the last time when you were at your best.
I’ve been suffering from anxiety and major depressive disorder over the last few years, and depression in particular for most of my life - so it’s hard to remember when I was at my best. But one period of time where I felt like I excelled was last March to May, 2022. I was about to bomb out of another semester of university but ended up dropping two courses in March, and working out a plan with the professors of the remaining three classes to complete my outstanding work. One professor even granted me an academic extension so I could continue working on a final essay into the month of May. Each day I got up before five am and headed out to a local Starbucks where I worked on various assignments until after ten. I got things completed, and ended up getting an A+ in each of the three remaining courses. I was proud of myself with how I rescued the semester overall.
Finally, how would others describe you at your best?
I’m never sure of how to answer a question like this, as I know not everyone likes me. I’m not always at my best and I’ve let many people down in my life, including myself. So I asked a close friend about this question, and she said: “I’d say you can struggle with being grateful, optimistic, and being conscious about your health sometimes… but I would say all of (those descriptors listed above) are a good match honestly.”
Courageous - Healthy - Funny - Kind - Organized - Eco-friendly - Loving - Connected - Active - Empathetic - Dependable - Grateful - Happy - Calm - Resilient - Energized - Engaged - Hard-working - Community-minded - Caring - Balanced - Supportive - Generous - Creative - Patient - Growing - Optimistic - Mindful
2.7 - 7 Questions Exercise & Reflection
Here are the 7 questions posed by Dr. Strecher:
What matters most?
What matters the most for me right now is escaping the depression that’s paralyzed my life. It’s impacting so many areas of my life:
I dangerously spend beyond my means;
I’ve accumulated a lot of stuff, not junk, but it’s resulted in a lot of unorganized clutter that I’ve not had the energy to organize;
I’ve become more and more socially isolated because my place and my Mom’s is a mess - I’m embarrassed to invite people over because of it and I rarely go out;
I’ve failed or withdrawn from a lot of semesters of university, it’s resulted in me taking way too long to finish my BFA, which I had been on track to graduate with in Spring 2021;
My ability to work has been inconsistent, and I’m even having difficulties keeping up with my own fine art projects; and
I binge eat and turn to junk food for comfort, which has resulted in me being overweight most of my adult life, which has also resulted in me developing type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, as well as sleep apnea and insomnia. My depression has also resulted in my experiencing suicidal ideation, and several attempts, with one landing me in the hospital in the fall of 2021.
Who relies on you?
My elderly Mum relies on me to help with housework, yard-work, as well as taking her shopping and to various appointments. Due to her own health issues, she no longer drives.
My dog Kira also relies on me although I also rely on her for her love and companionship.
Who inspires you?
So many people inspire me, including:
Artist and documentary photographer Jackie Dives inspires me as she also has a fine art practice with a focus on photography, as well as painting. Her early work explored her own struggles with depression through self portraiture.
Author Gary Zukav also inspires me through the books he has written including THE SEAT OF THE SOUL which embodies the kind of unconditional love and reverence for all life that I’m seeking to cultivate in my world.
Author Natalie Goldberg also inspires me, for her writing on writing and the creative processes.
My friend, and former colleague, Desmond Rodenbour also inspires me. Through his brilliant ability to share experiences through personal stories and recollections, he taught me a lot about student politics and politics in general. He’s always been a hard worker, but also knows how to unwind and manage his own self care through the things he loves doing.
My friend, Alanna Millar inspires me because of her perseverance and willingness to unconditionally help both friends and strangers.
Finally, Dr Ross Laird inspires me through his dedication to the craft of teaching. Like Desmond, Ross is extremely knowledgeable and passionate about his interests and he shares that knowledge openly and easily. I feel so fortunate to have been able to take several university classes with him over the years.
What causes do you care about?
I’ve cared about a lot of causes over the years, including:
When I was a teenager I believed in the ability of community policing to build bridges in the community with citizens and the police working together to proactively create a better neighbourhood, as opposed to the police working in a reactive manner that only responds to crime but does little to address its causes.
In university I believed in the ability of students to advocate for and help other students - especially those who have faced difficulties accessing post secondary education.
I care about unconditional random acts of kindness and their ability to raise the spirits of others, as exemplified by LaRayia Gaston in her book, LOVE WITHOUT REASON.
Finally, I do care about women’s rights issues and in particular working towards creating a more equitable society, where the patriarchy is eliminated and men treat women with unconditional reverence and dignity. I’m not afraid to call out other men for bad behaviour, and I’m not afraid to consider and authentically live up for my own faults and past mistakes.
What are you grateful for?
I’m grateful for:
My life, even though there have been times, even very recently, when I’ve longed to end it (and even attempted to). Part of my depression ignites my monkey mind on fire, and it’s been very good at creating a deep seeded and at times almost unrootable self-loathing and self-hatred, a deep sense of shame for every little thing I’ve ever done wrong.
My family, both my biological roots and my adopted roots, for those close to me and those who aren’t so close.
The opportunities afforded to me by my parents - they helped me get my first house, which includes a studio space, as well as art supplies and equipment, and much more. My biggest regret is not utilizing what I have to the fullest extent. It bothers me a lot that I’ve let my life spin so out of control I can’t even make the best with what I’ve been given.
My pets: especially my little Maltese-Poodle Kira, my Mom’s Miniature-Poodle Tiffany, as well as her two Rag-doll cats, Max and Bri.
What gets you out of bed in the morning?
In recent years, because of my anxiety and major depressive disorder, not much has been able to get me out of bed. I’m often unable to get to sleep at night, due to my insomnia, and as such I’m often laying in bed staring at the ceiling, or tossing and turning, or aimlessly scrolling social media on my iPhone or iPad. And when I do fall asleep, it’s usually after 3am, and the result is a broken sleep due to my sleep apnea..
These late nights also mean I end up sleeping in, and when I do get up, I’m lethargic for the rest of the day. It’s a bitter cycle that’s resulted in my inability to get anything done when it comes to my responsibilities at home, at my Mom’s or with my school. I’ve been prescribed anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication but it often knocks me out so badly that I’m still in a foggy haze the next day.
In 2019, I was in an art show which I had to help setup and keep open, and that had me up and out the door everyday during its run.
Wanting to get my place clean and organized again should get me out of bed but the disorganization often leaves me feeling overwhelmed so I escape the mess by going grocery shopping, which like eating junk food, provides me with a bit of an escape, albeit an unhealthy one.
How do you want to be remembered?
I want to be remembered as a creative, fun loving individual who overcame his mental health struggles to get things done, doing what he loved making art and writing prose, while cultivating unconditional compassion, curiosity, forgiveness, gratitude, love, and reverence for all life, starting with my own.
After answering each of the 7 questions, please share responses to the following:
Which questions did you find were easiest to answer? (You didn't have to put much effort in coming up with responses.)
I think the easiest question for me to answer was the first question regarding what matters to me the most, as it involves getting over my anxiety and depression, as well as identifying how those two things manifest themselves in my life.
In comparison, which questions did you find took longer to think of an answer, or perhaps chose not to respond to?
Overall, I didn’t find the questions to be difficult to answer because I find I’m fairly aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I’m especially aware of how my weaknesses have impeded my life in recent years. I took my time answering most of the questions, trying to be thorough about how my weaknesses impact me.
Were there any common answers or themes across your responses to the 7 questions? If so, what were they?
The most common theme that arose among my answers was again, primarily in regards to the mental health struggles I’ve had in regards to my anxiety and depression. At times this struggle has been so overwhelming, and it’s even landed me in the hospital, which was both a blessing and an embarrassment.
A short video I made that explores the banality of life.
2.10 - The Headstone Test Exercise & Reflection
Please share with your fellow learners what you decided you would like to have written on your headstone. We encourage you to return to this discussion prompt to read others' headstones and post a reply to those that may have moved you in a particular way. You can also choose to "upvote" those you liked as well.
I don’t begrudge my Mother for doing this but when we found a spot to bury my late father the headstone included space for herself as well as for me. I tried to push back on this, as it felt like it precluded me from having a life of my own. When this was done, a long term relationship of almost eight years that I had been in had recently ended, and with my anxiety and depression I haven’t dated since that ended in August 2014. My Dad was a medical doctor and my Mum had also done a lot of volunteering and work for different causes over the years, as I have also done - so, to that end, I found the following quote by Mother Teresa which we put on the headstone: “Faith is love; love is service; the fruit of service is peace.” I do feel this describes us at our best, working to help others.
But I admit, the last decade haven’t been good for me because of my depression. It’s blocked so many pathways for myself, that I do have a fear in the back of my mind that I’ve ruined everything - even my ability to settle down with someone special with whom I could have a family with. Which leads me back to my issues with the headstone: if I do meet someone, I’d assume I’d want to be buried with them in the end, as opposed to with my parents. Ideally in the same cemetery. But I guess in the future, this can be changed if I do meet someone, and get married. I’d still want my headstone to be about the impact I’ve made in life, or trying to do things that helped other people. I’m not sure it would be the Mother Teresa quote, but something similar.
Section 3 - Reflecting on What Matters Most
3.1 - Purpose: A Central, Self-Organizing Life Aim
What are your "be" goals?
Take a moment to think about and draft in a notebook what your "be" goals are. This draft will be useful as you progress through the course.
You can choose to do this right now and return to this lesson, or write your draft after this video.
Remember that your “be” goals reflect what matters most to you in your life.
My “be” goals right now include:
Friend
Grounded
Mindful
Depression free
Successful
Financially stable and wealthy
Creative
Honest
You can then choose to draft a purpose statement from your “be” goals.
My purpose in life is to be:
balanced and grounded, living mindfully in the present moment as a way of living life without the struggle of anxiety and depression;
creative and productive in my fine art and writing profession;
financially wealthy which includes being financially independent, responsible, and stable;
honest and trustworthy;
unconditionally compassionate, forgiving, kind, and loving;
an exciting and passionate lover;
a faithful, loving and caring husband, and father;
resourceful and helpful when it comes to dealing with issues that are important to me; and
someone in life who works to leave the world a better place.
Section 4 - Self-transcending & Self-enhancing Values
4.1 - More than “Grazing Animals”
Name and describe the two forms of happiness as suggested by Aristotle.
Aristotle described two forms of happiness, which were eudaimonic (self-transcending) and hedonic (self-enhancing).
The term eudaimonic (self-transcending) references the idea of being true to oneself. It is focused on living in accordance with one's daimon, which means one leads a good life through maintaining character and virtue. Self-transcendence is a personality trait that involves the expansion of personal boundaries, including, potentially, experiencing spiritual ideas such as considering oneself an integral part of the universe.
By contrast, the hedonic (self-enhancing) perspective concerns the pursuit of pleasure, immediate gratification, materialism, and other comfortable states of being. Self-enhancement is the tendency to attribute positive qualities to one's self and take credit for one's successes, whether or not these are accurate beliefs.
4.2 - Loving Kindness Meditation
Saying a loving kindness meditation involves saying the following for:
Yourself
Someone you care about
Someone you are neutral about
Someone you’re having troubles with; and
For all living beings.
May you be safe.
May you be happy, and free of suffering.
May you be healthy, and live a long life with ease.
Can also be combined with the Ho’Oponopono prayer:
I’m sorry. Please Forgive Me. I love you. Thank-you.
Finally, the practice of reiki reminds us to say daily:
Week 01 Review
Some examples of themes that are a central component of one’s purpose include:
To be a helper
To be innovative
To be loving
To be funny
Purpose in life involves cultivating a central, self-organizing life aim.
Goals, direction, and themes are all involved in a purpose in life.
A sense of purpose in life helps us to focus on what matters the most.
Philosophers and scientists alike argue that all humans have a mixture of both eudaimonic and hedonic goals and purposes.
Eudaimonic or self-transcending values include those which involve:
Empathy
Support
Contribution
Trust
Growth
Care
Hedonic or self-enhancing values include:
Power
Status
Possessions
Attractiveness
Popularity
Admiration
Self-affirmation is a process of reflecting on one’s core values, or what matters most to you in life.
The following are aspects of one’s life that could be a source for creating a life purpose:
Work
Family or relationships
Financial
Spiritual or religious
Communities
School or other learning environments
Retirement
Both the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius and Apple founder Steve Jobs argued that the following idea essentially helped them to live a more purposeful life, and that is they both discussed how contemplating death can help people to lead a more purposeful life. That is - do not act as though you are going to live 10,000 years, rather act as if each day is going to be your last and live each day to its fullest. That is, they both talked about how contemplating death can actually stimulate more purposeful living.
Resilience involves being able to bounce back after setbacks or grow from a challenging experience.
The ventromedial prefrontal cortex or vmPFC is the part of the brain where concepts like “Who am I?” and “What do I value?” overlap.
“I lead a purposeful and meaningful life.” - how would you rate your agreement with this statement right now?